Mental well-being in the 21st century.... and work.

I have just been dismissed. Dismissed from a job I excelled at, I enjoyed, and sadly, one that made me ill. By some of the most important measures, I was in the top 1% for performance. Even at the time additional performance pressure was on me. Those self same measures, I was told, simply weren't good enough. Comparison was made for singular measures, between my performance and others to add pressure, but when the same argument was used across metrics it was dismissed; it fell on deaf ears. Closed to hearing how I was suffering. Closed to hear reasonable debate, attuned to listen for weakness, and used to add further pressure, to make me suffer. Why? ....Another time maybe. 

So I fell ill, panic attacks at 4am. Crying into my breakfast before work. Insomnia most nights. Spirits lifted by my immediate work colleagues who could see my suffering, during work days, who I'd supported in the past, supporting me as best that they could. But the damage was done. Depression, anxiety and ultimately (after speaking with health professionals), the inevitable absence from work because of 'work related stress and anxiety' happened. 

Had it not been for my totally amazing children and my supportive and tenacious wife, I would most likely have become another statistic. My world had been shattered. Maybe institutionalised by 20 years working in the same job, my security and stability in my life, destroyed. My blood family was little help, and when my own family was out all day, depression darkened many many hours. 

This is where work really forgot about me, let me down and ignored me. 

I genuinely believe most modern day work places are neither geared nor motivated to support mentally unwell employees and that's a real problem. 

I attended the occupational health meeting that work sent me to. They spoke about disability discrimination, words I never thought I'd hear about myself. Then I had one meeting. It seemed supportive. I'd be paid in full and CBT provided (as recommended by OH) to help me. Except both weren't true. The CBT never materialised, I was directed to a company who didn't offer it. And in my next pay packet, 4 days later it had been halved ... my sick pay, apparently, exhausted. I sought legal help, and they fought and got my sick pay re-instated. But this was another fight I didn't want and did nothing to help my recovery. 

The story goes on, but it's sadly more back and forth about administration problems, grievances and appeals, capability meeting and additional process pressure. 

At no point did I believe anyone in the business was genuinely interested in my well being, or my recovery. Or helping me back to work. It felt totally like a tick box exercise on rails to protect them from wrongdoing. But the law is geared differently, Health care is geared differently and the cogs... well, they don't mesh. At the end of the process, is a capable employee, looking for work elsewhere, free from the process, and feeling more relaxed than at any of the point that I was employed. And that's backwards. When the best results for the company and the employee are to part ways, then something is broken. I'm a good honest, loyal worker. I know, because of feedback I've had from voluntary work I have done. 

Modern business loses money when absence occurs. When the mental health trigger is pulled. They lose money when people leave because of too much pressure, bullying or just lack of care. I believe we're living in the dark ages of mental health support and big business needs to wake up to the real cost of unethical practices. I hope it will get better, but whilst the key motivator is profit, I fear the people will always be seen as expendable, and that's a mistake, morally, ethically and monetarily.