I'm not a circle

Imagine growing up with someone you thought was a circle. Imagine they thought they were a circle too. They went through their whole life squeezing through different sized shaped holes that they thought they ought to fit and found life difficult and confusing, and tough. Then after their fiftieth birthday, they found out they were in fact a triangle.  What would you say to them, would you offer them support, or ask them what help they needed adapting to life as a triangle, or would you tell them that they are still the same old circle you grew up with. 

Last week I found out I am on the Autistic/Aspergers spectrum, verbally, my assessor told me, but on the 27th I will get a full statement of what they have found about me and how things I found impossible to deal with as a child, I have learned to tolerate as an adult (haircuts, sand, noise, smells, grass, social situations, delayed processing, shutting myself off to the outside world, saying the wrong things, etc). I have only told a handful of people, and time and again, I've had the same response. 

"You're still you, nothing changes". But everything has changed and I am not who I once thought I was. I am not neurotypical, I am neurodiverse, I am not a circle, I am a bloody triangle. The difficulties I've had, the stress and anxiety I still get around other people, isn't normal, and I'm unlikely to ever know what a normal friendship feels like. I will likely always find social situations uncomfortable and awkward. My chances of enjoying social gatherings are always going to be slim to nil. 

My assessor has been amazing, she seems to know exactly what to say. As a paid professional who has studied minds for many years, I guess it's easier to understand why. 

So what can you say to someone who's just received a diagnosis? I'm not sure, but I'm glad I know I am not a circle any more, but how life continues from hereon in, I do not know. I might need your help, but help as a triangle, not the circle you thought I once was. 


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