The vent of a hyperactive mind.

Well that was an interesting start to the day. After struggling to get to sleep last night after a niacinamide flush, (like an allergic reaction but doesn't affect your breathing) and another rude awakening at 3, the alarm went off at 7. Deciding against a 'snooze' I got up and made myself a packed lunch for todays meeting. Arriving an hour early due to a calendar mis-schedule, I find myself alone with my thoughts in the car park, preparing myself for the 'check in'. So how are things? Since 'going it alone', running my own business, things have been ok . But of the 100 or so invoices I've sent out, only 4 have been in the past few months. Two of which are still outstanding. If it weren't for the 2 big contracts I have, I'd have to jack it all in. Of the 80 or so emails from the group in the past 2 weeks, I've understood or been able to contribute to about 4 of them. Which has made me feel a bit inadequate. There's enough in the ...

We all like to think of ourselves as caring people; don't we? But as we're facing a national crisis, where hundreds of adult men (and women) do not feel cared for, where 2 men every hour take their own life. Who choose suicide over seeking help, or getting in touch with someone who 'cares'. We have to ask ourselves why. I've heard several times over the last few months, where tragedy has happened, that the situation is made more tragic, because the victim was unaware of how many people cared for them. So how can that be? Unless perhaps we're over using the word care? This thought kept me awake this morning and it lead me to this thought. "'Care' (like love) is a verb that requires effort.  Without effort, there's no 'care'. If someone has depression, anxiety, low self esteem and confidence, and you don't care, You'll be the last person they come to for help.  If you're close to the person, you might be part of the pr...

In a nutshell. So far so good.  I'm a week into being Citalopram free and it's different coming off it than I thought it would be.  I all honesty, I think I underestimated how hard it would be, and with hindsight, I'd have done what many do, and alternate it, one day on, one day off. Now however I feel committed to doing it this way, but I am conscious some of these side effects may last another week or so. Besides the complete and utter emotional car crash that was Tuesday, most of the other effects have been much more tolerable. I did have a wave of anger on Monday. A minor niggle that became a rage in my head, although I appeared calm, inside I was furious. It didn't last though, and by the evening, the issue was resolved, and I was calm again.  Besides this I've had two frequent weird phenomenon that I'll attempt to describe and a one off (I hope).  The first is the easiest of the two to describe; dizziness. It's pretty much constant, a...

So yesterday I got a photography job in Liverpool. A lovely lovely group of people, just getting together and enjoying some food and drink, and an opportunity to network. Also a good opportunity to thank the people involved doing such great work in social care from a company doing well. All went well to be honest, a good turnout, music, nice food served by really friendly caterers and I managed to get some good photos, which I'm sure the client will be happy with. But all was not well. I stopped taking my anti depressants just over a week ago, and I was (until yesterday) thinking that it was easy. But yesterday my negative voices joined forces and were snide and nasty.... "Your camera is budget, you look cheap" "This lighting is going to make your pictures look rubbish" "You'll be found out" "Maybe you shouldn't charge, they'll be that bad!" "Making yourself obvious, stood there" "Another flash going off, ...