I have to write this.......
Today I have received a settlement against a claim of unfair dismissal.
It should be a day of celebration. What started over 4 years ago, with the decline of my mental well-being; crying into cereal, fear of the future, fear of just going to work, anxiety about losing everything, manifested itself into panic attacks, exploding head syndrome and eventually my absence from work.
A year and 6 months later, (after a period of 6 months back in work) I was dismissed. The occupational health reports stated I would need more time to recover. But this was time I never had.
During this period, my colleagues, friends and family could do very little, apart from ride the horrific journey into misery and depression with me. But they had their lives to live and for the most part, with the exception of lunch when my wife would come home to check on me, and the evenings, I was alone.
It's impossible to put into words how desperate those days were. Exhaustion was a massive part of it, and inactivity. It's impossible to describe how someone suffering is, because everyones journey is different. But for me, I changed in a number of ways. I no longer took pride in my appearance, the car (which was always regularly cleaned) became neglected. Photography took a back seat. I did nothing. I slept a lot, and I thought about the injustice, the legal case, the grievances and the logistics of what needed to be done, until there was very little left of me.
I was introduced to a good friend, who helped keep my sanity, by letting me volunteer with him, running an after school ICT club. Teaching the kids tech, meant I could give something back. And although I never wanted to, I always got a lot from the sessions, and it helped me, albeit once a week.
And then the best thing happened. I got sacked. I can remember the feeling of freedom and the weight off my shoulders. Although I'd been trying to find another job, I'd been failing. Despite 20 years loyalty and success, I just couldn't get a break.... and that drew on. Until I met a lady from business Wales who summed up some thoughts I'd had about setting my own business up. She said...
"Why wouldn't you?"
I thought about it and later the same evening, registered a new business on 'companies made simple'. It cost me £14 to become a Company Director.
Throughout this period, real friends came out of the woodwork. One bought me a drone, for therapy and with an amazing note telling me to set up my own business with it and to one day 'pay it forward' which I will do. A late payment error meant I could enrol on a course to become qualified to fly the drone for profit. Which I did, I passed first and made more friends on the course too, I was regaining my confidence. A wonderful friend of the family, helped me with a course of CBT, initially at mates rates, and then unbelievably for free, (I still owe her). I started to take vitamin B, which seemed to give the Citalopram a boost and helped me stay active during the day. I was also taken under the wing of a not so distant family member, a successful guy who is committed to helping others, and who'd suffered a similar fate with a previous employer and well being. He got me my first profitable work and pushed me to recovery much quicker than I'd have been able to alone. Within 4 months I was taking video and photos at a conference; struggling to recognise myself but earning enough to put food on the table. I thoroughly researched the Digital Competence Framework and after a couple of disastrous pitches two amazing local head teachers took a chance and gave me a year long contract to support them and teach kids tech. Something I'm still doing and enjoying today.
Meanwhile at the solicitors, conversations were of a positive nature, we understood, they'd found us a free barrister, and that we would be able to relax while they dealt with it. But that was a long time ago. It would appear the courts are full of unfair dismissal claims, and ours, was only one of many. The court date that was set, which was already a long way into the case, was over a year away. So we tried our hardest to forget about it. In the time I was making progress with my recovery, it appeared that the enthusiasm for the case was dwindling. After chasing them for updates, we got an insulting offer of a settlement, then another, and then another final offer.
Sick of the waiting, dismayed by the change of heart, and following the legal advice given we just agreed. Today, that settlement has been received. Unsurprisingly late, and with charge after charge taken out there's very little left. It will make very little difference to the situation we're currently in and does very little to appease the suffering of us all over the past 4 years.
So it's the end. It's over. But it's really difficult to see it for anything other than a shit-show that shouldn't have happened. Whilst it's true, we can (hopefully) forget about it now, and move on, it's impossible not to appreciate the injustice of what's gone on.
I just hope I can be the guy now, who's there when other friends need someone to sit with them, through their dark hours.
It does get better, but we need to be there for one another and just never give up.
It does get better.
It should be a day of celebration. What started over 4 years ago, with the decline of my mental well-being; crying into cereal, fear of the future, fear of just going to work, anxiety about losing everything, manifested itself into panic attacks, exploding head syndrome and eventually my absence from work.
A year and 6 months later, (after a period of 6 months back in work) I was dismissed. The occupational health reports stated I would need more time to recover. But this was time I never had.
During this period, my colleagues, friends and family could do very little, apart from ride the horrific journey into misery and depression with me. But they had their lives to live and for the most part, with the exception of lunch when my wife would come home to check on me, and the evenings, I was alone.
It's impossible to put into words how desperate those days were. Exhaustion was a massive part of it, and inactivity. It's impossible to describe how someone suffering is, because everyones journey is different. But for me, I changed in a number of ways. I no longer took pride in my appearance, the car (which was always regularly cleaned) became neglected. Photography took a back seat. I did nothing. I slept a lot, and I thought about the injustice, the legal case, the grievances and the logistics of what needed to be done, until there was very little left of me.
I was introduced to a good friend, who helped keep my sanity, by letting me volunteer with him, running an after school ICT club. Teaching the kids tech, meant I could give something back. And although I never wanted to, I always got a lot from the sessions, and it helped me, albeit once a week.
And then the best thing happened. I got sacked. I can remember the feeling of freedom and the weight off my shoulders. Although I'd been trying to find another job, I'd been failing. Despite 20 years loyalty and success, I just couldn't get a break.... and that drew on. Until I met a lady from business Wales who summed up some thoughts I'd had about setting my own business up. She said...
"Why wouldn't you?"
I thought about it and later the same evening, registered a new business on 'companies made simple'. It cost me £14 to become a Company Director.
Throughout this period, real friends came out of the woodwork. One bought me a drone, for therapy and with an amazing note telling me to set up my own business with it and to one day 'pay it forward' which I will do. A late payment error meant I could enrol on a course to become qualified to fly the drone for profit. Which I did, I passed first and made more friends on the course too, I was regaining my confidence. A wonderful friend of the family, helped me with a course of CBT, initially at mates rates, and then unbelievably for free, (I still owe her). I started to take vitamin B, which seemed to give the Citalopram a boost and helped me stay active during the day. I was also taken under the wing of a not so distant family member, a successful guy who is committed to helping others, and who'd suffered a similar fate with a previous employer and well being. He got me my first profitable work and pushed me to recovery much quicker than I'd have been able to alone. Within 4 months I was taking video and photos at a conference; struggling to recognise myself but earning enough to put food on the table. I thoroughly researched the Digital Competence Framework and after a couple of disastrous pitches two amazing local head teachers took a chance and gave me a year long contract to support them and teach kids tech. Something I'm still doing and enjoying today.
Meanwhile at the solicitors, conversations were of a positive nature, we understood, they'd found us a free barrister, and that we would be able to relax while they dealt with it. But that was a long time ago. It would appear the courts are full of unfair dismissal claims, and ours, was only one of many. The court date that was set, which was already a long way into the case, was over a year away. So we tried our hardest to forget about it. In the time I was making progress with my recovery, it appeared that the enthusiasm for the case was dwindling. After chasing them for updates, we got an insulting offer of a settlement, then another, and then another final offer.
Sick of the waiting, dismayed by the change of heart, and following the legal advice given we just agreed. Today, that settlement has been received. Unsurprisingly late, and with charge after charge taken out there's very little left. It will make very little difference to the situation we're currently in and does very little to appease the suffering of us all over the past 4 years.
So it's the end. It's over. But it's really difficult to see it for anything other than a shit-show that shouldn't have happened. Whilst it's true, we can (hopefully) forget about it now, and move on, it's impossible not to appreciate the injustice of what's gone on.
I just hope I can be the guy now, who's there when other friends need someone to sit with them, through their dark hours.
It does get better, but we need to be there for one another and just never give up.
It does get better.
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